Frightening...

These appraisers all look like celebrities. First we had Steve Lawrence and the Undertaker, now we have the Newscaster and Lilian Munster. Except Lilian Munster was scared of my house and let the newscaster wander from room to room as she stood, bug-eyed in one spot. She asked if I was alone here; Yes. Is my husband around; no. Do I have friends in the area that can help; not really. Do I have to do this alone; probably. She grew paler and paler with each of my answers until I insisted that she take a seat. She refused to move from her spot. I thought someone superglued her shoes to the floor. So I stood next to her instead of guiding the newscaster around. I knew where he was by floor squeaks and *other* telltale noises.

Squeaker squeaker ---upstairs hallway.

human groan, pop!--- he got the upstairs bathroom door open. Good man.

Eee Eee Eee Eee ---coming back down the stairs.

SCREAM! SQUAWK SQUAWK, ERIC~WHAT, BAP-BAP-BAP-BAP, HONK HONK, WEEOO WEEOO WEEOO WEEOO, STOP, HELLO BIRD, PRETTY BIRD, BAP-BAP-BAP!! ---Ah yes, the bird room. Sorry Dude, but Lilian Munster's got the vapors and I couldnt warn you.

CaCHUNK ---got the basement door open...and wait for it, 3--2--1---"whoa." Yep, he saw the basement.

He found his way back to the living room. I didnt see his face, but Lilian Munster did (she was holding her breath and I finally heard her exhale). He silently pointed toward the door, they made a hasty retreat as Lilian was stuttering something about a report. On the porch she turned to me and said, "I hope you can find some help. You really have your work cut out for you."

Thanks Lilian. I need your encouragement and positive attitude. Here, let me give you some clorox wipes to sanitize the bottoms of your shoes. Oh and perhaps you should take your clothes off outside before going back into your own house. You may have cockroaches and bedbugs clinging to your clothes. Come to think of it, stop by the drugstore on your way home for some Quell to delouse yourself. Psycho Bitch.