Losses and Founds...

OK. It is less than 48 hours until the movers get here and start packing up my house. I have been clearing, sorting and redistributing or scrapping all the junk I have accumulated in nearly 20 years here. I've run across things I havent seen since I moved into this house, like some photos from a previous life (mine) and a trunk of clothes from the 80s. That is one of many examples.

On the l0ss side, my myriad hyacinths are just emerging, some of the 400 bulbs I planted last fall, which I will never see bloom. The species crocus are blooming in my perennial garden, and robins are back en mass. But it the trees..these magnificent 200+ yr old oak trees that I hear calling me, asking me how I can leave them, and I dont have an answer. I hear the creak of the wood, the sounds of living here, the sounds of my home. I am feeling the loss of this place on the planet. The only place I ever called HOME. These feelings suck. They suck. It sucks.

Now on the plus side, as there always is one, I found a few treasures that I thought were long gone. A blue topaz ring showed up. Not that I cared much for it, but I wondered where it went and imagined that other things had happened to it, not just being re-assigned a spot among myriad junk. I found my poetry folder, for which I'd grieved. I thought it was thrown away in a previous cleaning frenzy and even accused hub of trashing a huge part of my life. Oops. (Well, he was the one who put it in with unrelated things.) I found photos of dead relatives, younger us, younger me. I cant find my teddy bear from infancy, nor my baby shoes. I cant find some old love letters that I received in my late teens, early 20s. I cant find Christy in anything. My beloved Christy. The only one of my most sacred, treasured friends, that I truly lost through no fault of my own. I still miss her and I ache more now. She found me in Michigan nearly ten years ago...and I had her for about a year then. Suddenly poof. She was gone again. She'll never find me in the Ozarks. She always could rely on finding me here...

So, my birthday is in 7 days. I will turn 50. I will probably be in Arkansas on that day, or maybe not. Who knows. What I do know, is that this is a tough start to the second half-century of my time on this planet.

Unexpected Gifts...?

One of the few pleasures in moving seems to be the gathering of friends and family members to get some time with you before you leave. Most of them are aware that the more stuff they give us, the more we have to pack, so gifts have been small and thoughtful. For example, Cousin gave me some Vespa mugs that are adorable. Hub has a few momentos from coworkers and clients. Pictures seem to be a favorite and are very appreciated.

Yesterday was St Paddy's and I went to spend it with BFF. We drank green beer, ate green foods and cavorted late into the evening, when she presented me with a lovely pair of earrings from Northumberland, England. Wow. They are very beautiful!

On the flip side, we tried to return "Shadow" an old black cockapoo to Hub's mother, as we had been dog-sitting while she recovered from a recent illness. I brought Shadow back to mom and was abruptly waved away, with mom spouting, "I cant take care of her. You cant leave her here. Find her another home." And with that, I was stuck with a dog I didnt want. Who is going to take an aged small dog, with her cataracts and her bad house manners? We cant find a home for the poor thing; its crunch-time. And now she's been rejected by the only owner she has ever known, only to be cast into our chaos. So, the poor, displaced pup will have to adjust. I guess she is coming to Arkansas. Sigh. No more gifts, please.